“Do you see this finger? Do you know where it’s been?
Do you have any idea??? WELL, DO YOU??!!?”
Tom Wilkinson having a bad day in Michael Clayton (2007)
If it’s Thursday, this must be a Weekend Forecast. Here’s what’s opening wide this week:
- Elizabeth: The Golden Age. I keep hearing this thing stinks. I try not to let critical opinion sway me, but after a while you have to begin to think: where there’s stink, there’s shit.
- Michael Clayton. After opening in limited release last week, the new Clooney movie goes wide. Check it out. You won’t regret it.
- Across the Universe. This one has been rolling out slowly for awhile and will expand to 954 theaters this weekend.
- The Final Season. Directed by the guy who did the two Sandlot movies plus Beethoven 3 and 4. What else do you need to know exactly? Seriously, just go to the Clooney movie or The Darjeeling Limited or The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. He didn’t even do 1 and 2 for crapsakes. It was 3 and 4. Did you even know there was a 3 or 4??
- Tyler Perry’s Why Did I get Married? Tyler Perry, why don’t you shut the fuck up?
- We Own the Night. I was kind of looking forward to this one, but I saw the TV commercial last night and the best they could come up with was a quote from Larry King. That can’t be good, can it? I mean, you could probably get a postive pull quote on ass cancer from Larry King. (in Larry King voice) “If you get just one kind of cancer this year, make it ass cancer. You’ll be glad you did. Murfreesboro, Tennessee, you’re on the air…” Anyway, it’s the one where Joaquin Phoenix runs a club that’s a hangout for the Russian mafia in New York in the 80s. Marky Mark is his cop brother and Robert Duvall is his cop dad. You can see where the shit might hit the fan, right? Right.
These movies have already opened and are making small expansions this weekend:
- The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Apparently Warner Bros. doesn’t want you to see this movie. It’s expanding into more theaters this weekend, but many local critics weren’t given a chance to screen it for a review in the local paper. Don’t be fooled! Check Moviefone.com, the oh-so-irritating Fandango.com, or the movie listing source of your choice.
- The Darjeeling Limited. Expands into 90+ theaters this weekend so it should be playing in a major city near you.
- Lust, Caution. Ditto with 77 theaters.
And the new limited releases:
- Lars and the Real Girl. I was skeptical about this one at first, but I keep hearing great things about it. Ryan Gosling’s new girlfriend is a doll. I think it’s an actual sex doll. He pushes her around in a wheelchair. I’m sold.
- Sleuth. Hmmm…Kenneth Branagh directs this remake with Michael Caine and Jude Law. Harold Pinter wrote the screenplay. Yeah, I don’t know.
- Laaga Chunari Mein Daag – The Journey of a Woman. Bollywood drama about two sisters who find life in the big city a little more complicated than in their rural home.
- Terror’s Advocate. Documentary from Barbet Schroeder (who has a small role in The Darjeeling Limited…now playing at a theater near you. Check it out) about Jacques Verges, the lawyer who has defended several terrorists and assorted evil folks over the years.
- Summer ’04. Fans of Martina Gedeck from The Lives of Others might want to check this German film out. It’s a psychological thriller about a happy couple on vacation whose teenaged son shows up with a Lolita-like girlfriend. I’m getting a Swimming Pool vibe off of it.
And here’s what’s opening in NY only:
- Control(10/10, opens in LA 10/19). Feature film about the Joy Division frontman is getting excellent reviews.
- Khadak. Set in the frozen steppes of Mongolia where zzZzzZZzzzzz ZZzzZzZ ZZ ZzZZ zZZZzzzZZ ZZzZZZZZzZZzz
- King Corn. Documentary about the American food distribution system centering on two east coast college friends who decide to buy an acre of land to grow corn and then track that corn as it makes its way through the food system. This is going to be another one of those Super Size Me deals that make me feel like shit about the junk I eat, I just know it. Yeah, well, just try and take away my corn syrup sweetened sodas and crunchy salty corn chips (aka Salsa Delivery Devices) assholes! I dare you!