Holiday Forecast: July 4th

More than meets the eye 

In wide release for the holiday:

  • Transformers® (July 2, 8pm). Further evidence that women are different from men (besides, you know, ovaries and stuff): Would wives and girlfriends the world over be dragging their husbands and boyfriends to see a live action Cabbage Patch Kids movie in freakishly high numbers? How about Care Bears? I think not. And yet here we are with untold numbers of men positively drooling to see Michael Bay’s version of some animated Hasbro toy ads from their childhoods. Is it nostalgia? Is it some kind of crazy Peter Pan syndrome? Collective hypnosis? Cats and dogs living together? Mass hysteria? This thing has to be ass…and yet…imagine if you had like $200 million when you were blowing up plastic models in your backyard when mom and dad were at work…that would’ve been cool. Trailer

  • License to Wed (July 3). Jon Krasinski (known to most people for The Office) wants to marry Mandy Moore (known to most people for being…well…Mandy Moore), but first they have to pass the marriage preparation course of family minister Robin Williams (known to most people when he used to be funny). This thing has flaccid, sitcom level comedy written all over it and I predict it’s going to do very, very well. I’m thinking Wild Hogs type numbers. Let’s say $175 million. If I was married to the hottest woman on the planet and she begged me to go see this thing under the threat of withheld sex…I’d file for divorce the very next morning. Trailer

In limited release:

  • Introducing the Dwights (July 4). Austrialian romantic comedy with Brenda Blethyn as a meddling mother.
  • Rescue Dawn (July 4). Werner Herzog’s latest stars Christian Bale as a POW shot down over Laos during the Vietnam war. It seems like this one has been delayed forever. Looking forward to finally seeing it. Inspired by Herzog’s own documenatary Little Dieter Needs to Fly.

Bonus Optimus Prime® image:

I am a huge nerd
I am a huge nerd®

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