After opening big, Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third and Pirates of the Caribbean 3 have all fallen back sharply and probably won’t make as much money as their predecessors. Ocean’s Thirteen came out of the gate with smaller numbers than either Eleven or Twelve. What does it all mean? I don’t know. Maybe people really are getting a sense that Hollywood is just dishing up leftovers this year and nothing feels like a Must-See. Maybe I’m just projecting my own blockbuster ennui on to everyone else. Anyway, this week’s big movies include another costumed superhero sequel and a family movie based on a beloved series of children’s books.
In wide release:
- Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Flame On and Invisible Bitch do battle with Silver Surfer to protect the people of earth from unconvincing CGI. If Silver Surfer is the name of Jessica Alba’s dildo, like Steely Dan in Naked Lunch or something, I might see this movie. Otherwise, probably not. Trailer
- Nancy Drew. Apparently Nancy’s detective father doesn’t watch Dateline NBC or he’d know all the city kids these days are hooking up on The Internets with The Myspace and having Ecstasy fueled all night sex raves and he wouldn’t be moving his daughter from comfortable and safe River Heights to the city where the only river has been turned into a concrete drainage ditch: Hollywood, California. The real mystery here is how long it will be before Nancy comes home pierced, tramp stamped and pregnant. Nice sleuth work there, pops. Trailer
In limited release:
- DOA: Dead or Alive. If any movie ever begged for an R rating it’s this one. Based on a videogame, DOA stars Jaime Pressly (My Name is Earl, Poison Ivy 3) as one of four martial arts hotties doing battle against…well whatever it is martial arts hotties do battle against. Alas, it’s PG13 hence I’ll be skipping it. Instead of dudes getting their spinal cords ripped out and hot girl-on-girl action, we’ll be lucky to get a bra and panty pillow fight. What ever happened to good old fashioned exploitation cinema? Trailer
- Eagle vs. Shark. Don’t look now, but I think we’re up to our ass in Kiwis. First you’ve got Peter Jackson, Whale Rider and Zoë Bell and now comes this quirky romantic comedy imported from New Zealand with Jermaine Clement, the dude from the Outback Steakhouse commercials (soon to be seen in HBO’s Flight of the Conchords). The trailer put me in the mind of a Kiwi flavored Napoleon Dynamite. Take that however you want. Trailer
- Fido. Comedy about domesticated zombies. I don’t know, I guess I got my fill of zombie-laffs with Shaun of the Dead. The trailer didn’t look promising. Trailer
- The Boss of It All (opened in NY 5/29). The new black comedy from Lars von Trier about an IT company owner who invents a figurehead CEO to handle problems with employees. Brought to you in Automavision – Lars chooses where to put the camera, but a computer decides when to pan, zoom or tilt. Trailer
- Amu. A Delhi-born American woman travels to India to seek out her long-lost relatives and she finds a mystery about her missing her parents, the reasons she was brought to America when she was 3 years old, and the assassination of Indira Gandhi. Trailer
- Casting About (opened in NY 5/11). Documentary capturing the auditions of 350 actresses in Berlin, Boston, Chicago, London and Los Angeles. Trailer
- Macbeth. Yet another filming of Shakespeare’s tragedy. Roman Polanski and Akira Kurosawa have both taken the same material and made classic films. Let’s see if Geoffrey Wright (Romper Stomper) can do the same thing. It looks like it takes place in the present, but uses Shakespeare’s original text. Trailer (Hi, Med, Lo, WMV)
- Strike (NY 6/15, LA 6/29). The latest film from international cinema titan Volker Schlöndorff based on the true story of an ordinary working woman whose efforts to improve working conditions for welders helped inspire Poland’s Solidarity movement. I’m guessing this won’t be some kind of bogus North Country Lifetime movie of the week thing.