Weekend Forecast: 5/4/07


And so the Summer Blockbuster season begins…

In wide release this week:

  • Spider-Man 3:  The $350 million gorilla in the room.  Admit it, some of you are soiling your red and blue Underoos just thinking about it.
  • Lucky You:  Yeah, lucky you.  You were supposed to come out a year ago then you got bumped until September, then October and finally shelved until now when you’re being tossed into the gorilla cage to be mauled like Fay Wray in a white dress.  My Spidey-sense says:  You’re fucked.  Maybe it’s clever counter-programming but it sounds like dumping to me.  For what it’s worth, Curtis Hanson (LA Confidential) directs Eric Bana (Munich) as a professional poker player and…oops…watch it!  Spidey is masturbating and throwing his own poo again!…who learns that love isn’t as easy as Texas Hold ‘Em.  Drew Barrymore  is the love interest and Robert Duvall is the estranged, wisdom spewing father (“Son, you gotta know when to hold ’em, and when to fold ’em.  Know when to walk away and…aww lookit!  Spidey put his diaper on his head!”). 

In limited release (in Los Angeles – your results may vary):

  • Zoo:  Movies have been around for over 100 years and they’re just now getting around to making this documentary about a guy who fucked horses.  Literally.  I’m not talking about some kind of colorful Northwest saying, I mean horse fucking.  As in: he had a giant horse’s penis inside of his ass.  And he died.  From a ruptured colon.  And this is a movie about it.  Horsefucker.
  • Civic Duty:  I’m guessing 100% less horse fucking and 100% more Peter Krause (Sports Night, Six Feet Under) as a a guy who becomes convinced one of his neighbors is a terrorist.
  • Private Fears in Public Places: New film from one of the French New Wave biggies, Alain Resnais (Hiroshima Mon Amour, Last Year at Marienbad).  You either want to see it based on that or you don’t.  Nothing I say will change your mind one way or the other.
  • Away From Her: Julie Christie in Sarah (Sweet Hereafter) Polley’s directorial debut, a character drama about a long-married couple.  What happens when one of them begins to lose their memory?  Refreshing to see a movie about something other than the problems of 20 and 30-somethings.  The trailer alone made me sad.  I’m guessing anyone with beloved grandparents or older parents will feel the same way.
  • Waitress (May 2): This comedy/drama, the final film from actress/filmmaker Adrienne Shelly, stars Keri Russell (Felicity) as a waitress eager to leave her husband.  When she finds out she is pregnant, she begins writing letters to her unborn child.

6 thoughts on “Weekend Forecast: 5/4/07

  1. I want to see Spiderman, Waitress, Away From Her, and Lucky You. You can keep Zoo which sounds like one of those absurd, pretentious movies that asks us to pity a society that misunderstands a man’s primal need to pork a barnyard animal. I could be wrong, but I can wait ’til Netflix to be proven wrong.

  2. I can’t help but think the only reason Zoo exists is because the filmmaker knew the controversy would get his movie some attention. I hope Lucky You is good, but the trailer doesn’t give me a lot of hope. Away From Her looked great.

  3. I realize you’re not box office-capping here, but I’m going out on a limb and saying Spiderman makes $133 million over the weekend, considering it started showing at midnight Friday morning.

    Course, it will still need to hit $500 mil domestic just to be considered a success. Anything short of that and Sony execs will be sweating it.

  4. I suck at box office handicapping…hence the not doing it. Last summer I predicted POTC2 would be a box office disappointment. Wishful thinking perhaps, but certainly inaccurate.

    As for Spider-Man 3, I read in some business section somewhere it probably needed to make $800 million foreign and domestic to see black ink. I’ve also read it’s already doing crazy business overseas. It’s got the weekend pretty much to itself so I won’t be shocked if you’re right in your prediction.

  5. I saw the midnight show last night and Spider-Man 3 is a major embarrassment. Boring, laughable, incoherent, this is one of the worst big movies in a LONG time, and I say this as someone who likes the Spider-Man movies. This is Schumacher Batman bad (Forever, not Robin, I’m not THAT mad at Raimi.) This is Daredevil bad. The action scenes are better than those films but the script is pathetic, random, lazy. Seriously.

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